what do i do with the new?

you did not go in vain
remembered everyday
drip drip

sometimes a smile that drips
sometimes a tear
never far
i feel you.

may
be
me

in my heart
our sweetness
never forgotten
always missed
will return.

i heard you.

hard to be
here.
see you in the walls.
laughter echos.
shelters me
yet leaves me cold.

and today...

anxiety

so much can change in just a matter of moments. i felt it coming. my intuition was clear. and then it arrived. i arrived. yet again with the knowledge that my instincts are true.

more like a tornado tears down, rips up, then washes away.

land to be rejuvenated, structures rebuilt.

funny how new construction flies away the quickest.

i'm in love with old houses. so beautiful in their design, character, quality. after the storm still left standing bumped and bruised with a solid core.

dave

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick

mmmmm

a race inside

ticks out of my veins

and i am not an athlete

takes my breathe

he dumps more dirt

and i feel the weight

the sound of the thump on my bare back

reminds me of a day

dark sunny day

where we walked

into a screen

to say goodbye

red clay in mounds

on a hill

we said good bye

as dirt dumped

hit

we cried

i was only 16.

my eyes wide

opened to see clear

i never turned back

it was a metaphor.

marseille

i was
in a bar
in a hole
a hot hole
full of
sound, color, spirit
full

a new friend, a new enemy
an old lover, an old friend and his new lover

we danced
bitter watched
played her game to take him
succeeded
shed light on my truths
thank god

thank her wretched voice
thank the stale smell
thank the laughs
the walks the talks up the street
the repetition that kept us awake

ready for the ride

my new spain.
my new stain.

and so you are.

stamped

once upon a time and twice upon today there was a muse, a lover, an angel who changed me,

who will
keep me
changing
forever.

stamped
a part
we are
apart
for love

back

mortal/ immortal
inspire. send.

bless me back with what you borrowed
with what your heart bore

hello."

messages

again.

he spoke with his loud whisper...
chills came over me.

now i know.
and will
listen with my eyes each time to discover new layers.

so beautiful how we communicate
and he protects.

messages keep him...

another drop drips

another drop
drips
up to the sky.

only to watch
down
upon me...

breaks
spreads
moves through

light heavy
blue
rises.

lightly falls
upon
my shoulders

moves under
my feet.

another drop
drips...

and is carried
this time.

one
forever young
blue
forever old
sees
forever clear as he dripped

never faded

rose

never fell

from my thoughts
and landed
in my heart ...

once more.

live
be
breathe
never
die

forever

young

you will remain.

two ways of life

fall up
rise down
grow numb
die alive

there are two ways of life:

to rise down and grow numb
or
to fall up and die alive

i try to fall up more and more each day
to let go
and allow my life and its path
to catch me
yet again

falling floating trusting...

alive i become

closer to death and its family
where beauty forever resides
in our hearts and in our memories of you

the rest of the force

i have a brother. his name is hunter. we speak like children with smiles and funny sounds. people wonder and we laugh. one day hunter asks " so why do you do it?" and i say " i want to meet the rest of the force". and i am. and i smile. and we chuckle in awe of the truth.

our family is the force
who are you?

may the force be with you.
or may you be with us.

hunter dreams amazing

another?

the other day we spoke and i wondered why he came along my path, what lesson is there that i haven't already learned? so much self reflection...realizations.... and rodney says "maybe he's the one with the lesson to learn with you as his guide to show him". i'm tired. i'm tired. and i am tired of that role... and so the ebb comes on. i feel it seep in. and i allow it to settle. but now that it is here, now that it has come over me, it makes me want to spit. maybe my lesson is to turn away from the thing that comes most natural. maybe my lesson is to accept it all and dig my roots deeper. maybe i am to be an observer, neither give nor receive and if so whats the point and if so will i learn?

patience.

luck biscuits

once upon a time a dear friend rodney used the term " luck biscuit" to describe a dear friend neda. they both laughed and smiled, giggled about the beauty and synchronicity they witnessed within each other's lives. wow. so many roads, so many paths, leading to one precious moment. a biscuit full of luck.

luck.
don't know if i believe in the word. but so many use it to describe the good things. the great things that come along our paths.

pshh. to give luck all the credit takes the very essence away. i believe we are all here as a result of decisions made. everyday, hour, minute we choose to view our worlds in a particular way.

a smiling child i have always been.
i guess being an optimist/gigglist :one who always laughs inside, since the good ole days has made my time here sweet. after getting used to it, its hard to taste the bitter, when i do my first reaction is to spit.

i feel really special to have inspired the phrase "luck biscuit" to me it means my life has positively reinforced what is in my heart...so much so that others view me to be "lucky".
well, that being the case i've decided the importance of constantly observing the unfolding of me: life is a constant decision, an ebb and flow of events through which one's path unfolds.
i want to remember always, the strengths built through breaking past the moments of ebb, the roses smelled along the way, and the ones i love whom have helped to bring me to this point of departure: a life full of luck biscuits.

my first thanks:

rodney white.
i luv me some rodney.
this man is full of the most amazing metaphors for any, every, you name it situation. he has truly added to my quality of life through his observations and his amazing ability to speak on them. this is one wise man i am a luck biscuit to call my friend.